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Why I almost didn't get married (and how you can avoid my mistakes)
Posted by Kate, Hall Occasions on July 25, 2016
It's time for me to come clean. I used to hate weddings
Hate is too strong of a word I guess...I just never got why people would spend so much money on one day, and what all the hoo-hah was about- it just seems ridiculous.
At the time that I got married we had a young child and no money.When I say no money I mean if we could afford the Sunday paper (which at that time was only a .70c) that was a rich week.We would take that paper out and show it off like we were kings. "Look at us, we have the paper, we're rich, and we're super awesome at adulting".
We were young, head over heels in love and had a beautiful baby boy.
Don't misunderstand me- marriage was always important to me- (notice I said marriage and not wedding). I had grown up in a house of love and watched my parents smooching on the couch more times than I care to remember, disgusting at the time, but once you become an adult you realise how sweet and rare it is.
So, knowing that the expected next step for in love humans was to get married, I did the usual thing and constantly bugged my (now) husband to pop the question.
I drove him absolutely around the bend dropping wedding hints constantly.
photo credit- freakingnews.com
Eventually he did pop the question (obviously!) so imagine my amazement when I realised I wasn't actually that excited about our wedding…
Regardless of our financial status, my parents were more than happy to chip in and help us get the day that we had dreamed of, so nothing was standing in our way. And then really thought about it, what did I actually want for a wedding day?
I started doing the usual looking through bridal magazines at all of the pretty things that you could have and I started having doubts.
I didn't get the feeling that brides are SUPPOSED to get when they look at those beautiful things. I just couldn't seem to connect with them. Everything just looked the same to me, generic flowers, white tables, satin sashes etc.
I took this as an omen. Surely if I didn't want all of these frilly things, that meant my marriage must be doomed right?
I put the thoughts to the back of my mind - I've never been overly good at being a "girl".
I don't like to hang out with bunches of giggling girls, I'm much more comfortable with a bunch of crazy men working on cars- maybe that's all it was?
This lack of excitement had nothing to do with my love for my partner, maybe it was just
me failing at being a female human...?
(I was also 21- so not knowing what I wanted to do on the "biggest day of my life" is probably not so horrible. )
Any hoo, so, knowing that we wouldn't be able to afford a wedding for a while, we just got on with life.
I cast my doubts about married life aside and only let the little buggers nibble away in the recesses of my mind.
We attended a fabulous wedding filled with all the trimmings . The bride in the stunning white dress, making the guests gasp, ceiling draped with organza, fairy lights, dancing, laughter and all-round it was a pretty freaking fantastic day.
But it still didn't feel like me.
And then it hit me. All the stress, all the doubts were not about my love my husband but were about the wedding itself.
I was so consumed with the choices with what society thought that we should have as our wedding day that we lost sight of what WE wanted.
We never wanted all of the trimmings. It just wasn't us.
When I really thought about it all I wanted was just to be married - bugger the wedding.
I didn't want a wedding- I wanted a celebration, a kick ass party that was more focused on having fun than it was who was seated next to whom. A night that exuded everything that it meant to be us.
Who are we? We are fun, we are loud, and we are pretty bloody laid back. "Frills" and "upper class" didn't exactly go hand-in-hand with Steve and Kate circa 2005.
We realised that in 8 weeks time, we were having our sons christening, and decided to throw a surprise wedding then. (Note: this was well before surprise wedding is became popular- we are totally trend setters)
At the end of the day I just wanted to be married and be totally relaxed on my wedding day.
And then something amazing happened, once we stopped thinking about what society thought a wedding should be, I was actually excited to be planning my wedding.
It was something that summed US up. It wouldn't just look like anybody else's wedding, it would be OURS.
Once planning began, the weeks passed quickly and I can tell you now, I was finally, genuinely excited for my wedding.
We had finally stopped trying to please everybody else, and had gone with what we wanted, and I couldn't be happier! The feelings that I'd been going through wasn't an omen on whether I should be marrying the man- they were fear on spending money and time on a day that didn't reflect us.
Our wedding day was absolutely amazing. We were thrilled- the entire lead up was so relaxing, and it just like having friends over for a barbecue which is exactly what we wanted.
By thinking about what we really wanted, we were happy. And is now 11 years later, we still snog on the couch and disgust our children, just like my parents did.
I didn't write this blog post to encourage people to not have trimmings at their wedding. I've written this to encourage people to be true to themselves and have YOUR OWN wedding, with what You Want.
Not the wedding that will make people "oooh"on Instagram, not what a Pinterest board inspires you to be. Have the wedding that you ARE. (And not just you ladies- remember it's the grooms day too!)
If you want a $30,000 wedding, and want to be a princess gliding down the aisles HAVE IT. If you want to elope DO IT. But for the love of God don't plan your wedding according to what you THINK you should have.
Having the wedding day that I wanted, has led me down this gorgeous path to help get brides what THEY want.
And I've realised, I'm actually a wedding fan after all.
Kate Hall resides in stunning Ettalong Beach, with her patient husband, 2 fun loving boys, and their smooshy faced bulldog, Brutus. Her own wedding inspired her to open Hall Occasions, and she spends her days providing brides with low fuss, affordable wedding items that can be personalised to suit each bride and groom's personality, instead of being generic hogwash.